Supporting Young Children's Autonomy:
On the Road to Independence
From the moment they are born, children begin their journey towards independence. It can be hard to think about it now, while our children are so young, but most parents would probably agree that the end goal is for our children to no longer need us day-to-day. We want our children to ‘need’ us but also not need us! As parents and early childhood teachers, one of our most important roles is to nurture children’s developing autonomy while providing the safety and security they need to thrive. This delicate and often tricky balance underpins our inspired philosophy at Oma Rāpeti Freeman’s Bay; Magda Gerber’s and Emmi Pikler’s RIE (Resources for Infant Educarers).
Understanding Autonomy in Early Childhood
Autonomy in early childhood refers to a child's growing ability to think, act, and make decisions independently. This doesn't mean leaving children to their own devices. It is about recognising their innate capacity for self-directed learning and respecting their emerging ‘personhood.’
For babies, autonomy can begin with maximised freedom of movement throughout the day, i.e. limiting the time infants are ‘containerised’ as much as possible. This refers to the time infants are ‘contained’ in swings, bouncers, entertainment/activity seats, carriers, car seats, strollers, highchairs, etc. There are always times where children need to be strapped in for safety reasons, and there are plenty of reasons why parents will choose to use these items on other occasions, too. Maximising an infant’s freedom and autonomy of movement might just involve reviewing how often children can be safely left somewhere to play without the need for restraints. This can look different for every child depending on their needs.
Autonomy for toddlers might involve choosing between two options (snacks, clothing, toys, activities). For pre-schoolers, it could mean resolving conflicts with peers with minimal adult intervention. At every stage, fostering autonomy means trusting children's competence while offering developmentally appropriate support.
The Benefits of Supporting Children's Autonomy
When children experience autonomy from an early age, they develop:
Self-confidence and a positive self-image - "I am capable.”
Intrinsic motivation - Doing things because they want to, not just for external rewards.
Problem-solving abilities - Finding creative solutions when faced with challenges.
Emotional regulation - Understanding and managing their feelings.
Resilience - Bouncing back from disappointment and setbacks.
We believe that children who have appropriate autonomy in early childhood tend to become more responsible and emotionally intelligent (develop the ability to identify and regulate emotions) as they grow.
Setting Boundaries for Children: A Framework for Freedom
Perhaps it seems counterintuitive, but clear boundaries actually increase children's autonomy. When children understand the non-negotiable limits within their environment, they can freely explore everything else. Without boundaries, children often feel anxious and insecure, unsure of what is acceptable or safe. Perhaps they take risks that they have not yet learnt how to appropriately assess, or maybe they withdraw and avoid trying things out of fear of getting into trouble.
Effective boundaries are:
Clear and consistent - Expressed simply and predictably maintained. Yes, this is definitely hard for us tired parents!
Limited in number - Work on creating the boundaries you need for your child, focusing on safety/health, respect for ourselves and for others, protection of property, and the values you wish to uphold for your family.
Explained briefly - “I’m not going to let you hit. Hitting hurts.”
Enforced with empathy - Acknowledging feelings while still upholding the boundary. “I know you really want me to buy you that chocolate bar. It’s not on our shopping list today. I know that’s disappointing. Maybe we can get something extra next time?”
When children test boundaries, which they naturally will do, they are not being ‘naughty.’ They're gathering information about how their world works. This is what their brains are wired to do. Responding calmly and consistently will help them develop internal discipline over time.
Offering Choices
Choice is a powerful tool for fostering autonomy, but it does need careful consideration. Here is a guide to help you choose meaningful choices:
Make them developmentally appropriate (they should match the child's age and capabilities).
Genuine options (all choices should be acceptable to you).
They are limited in scope (two options for toddlers, and maybe three options for older children, is usually sufficient).
Make sure you can respect the child's preferences and accept their decision without judgement.
Examples of meaningful choices might include:
- For infants: "Would you like the blue ball or the red one?"
- For toddlers: "Would you like to put your shoes on before or after we put on your coat?"
- For pre-schoolers: "Would you like to tidy the blocks or the dinosaurs first?”
When we offer choices that matter to children and we honour their decisions, we communicate our respect for them as individuals and strengthen their decision-making muscles.
Creating Enabling Environments: The ‘Yes’ Space
The physical environment plays a crucial role in supporting children's autonomy. At Oma Rāpeti Freeman’s Bay, we endeavour to create a space where children can access the resources they want and can use them in safe ways. This reduces the amount of intervention they might need from their kaiako (teachers) and enables them to play independently within the boundaries we have set. The ‘yes’ space quite literally means we don’t have to say, ‘no,’ to them very often. Children can get on with their play and learning without us needing to stop them. This is how we help them practice being autonomous and support their confidence.
Consider the following:
Accessibility - Can children reach materials independently?
Organisation - Is it clear where things belong?
Safety - Is the space set up so children can explore with minimal intervention? (Intervention here can also include being strapped into a seat or play space, i.e. a ‘container,’ as previously mentioned).
Complexity - Does the environment offer appropriate challenges?
In a well-planned environment, adults can step back and allow children the joy of independent discovery. We love this quote from Magda Gerber: "Do less, observe more, enjoy most."
The Adult's Role: Present but Not Intrusive
Remember, supporting autonomy doesn't mean abandoning children to learn complete independence. Rather, it involves being fully present while resisting the urge to unnecessarily direct, correct, or ‘rescue’ children.
The adult's role includes:
Observing attentively - Noticing children's interests, capabilities, and challenges.
Responding sensitively - Offering help when it’s genuinely needed.
Acknowledging effort and elaborating - “Good job! I can see you worked really hard to climb that ladder.”
Building trust - Being present. Being that reliable source of emotional support (always), and physical support when needed.
Handling Struggles and Mistakes
Perhaps the most challenging aspect of supporting autonomy is allowing children to struggle and make mistakes. Our instinct is often to jump in and help, but children learn through the process of overcoming challenges.
When we see a child struggling, we aim to:
Pause before intervening, giving them a moment to problem-solve first.
Offer the minimum help needed, perhaps making a suggestion rather than doing it for them.
Acknowledge their feelings - “It's frustrating that the tower keeps falling.”
Value the process over the outcome. Learning happens in the journey.
Conclusion
Supporting young children's autonomy is not always the easiest path in parenthood, or in teaching. It requires patience, restraint, and trust in children's capabilities. However, the benefits are immeasurable. When we balance freedom with appropriate boundaries, offer meaningful choices, and respect children's growing independence, we lay the groundwork for confident, capable, and resilient human beings.
As always, please reach out to us if you ever need advice and or have questions around supporting your child’s development. We have lots of experience in creating ‘yes’ spaces for all age groups and we’d love to collaborate with you if you would like some guidance here.
